What I Couldn’t Tell My Therapist

It’s not just a book — it’s a transformative experience.

Now available!

What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist will be also published in Turkey and China, with more languages on the way!

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What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist will be also published in Turkey and China, with more languages on the way! -

In her revolutionary book, What I Couldn’t Tell My Therapist, psychotherapist Michelle M. May takes us on an extraordinary journey through the inner workings of a therapist’s mind, her own experiences as a therapy client, and her work as an intensive therapist. In the intimate setting of therapy sessions, a tapestry of stories unfold, revealing the interconnectedness of the human experience and a universal wish: to be loved.

We follow the stories of Walter, Emma, and Michelle herself. Walter is depressed and has smoked cannabis every day since he was a little boy. Emma is riddled with anxiety and wants to find love but can’t bring herself to date. Michelle turned to opioids for relief from a chronic headache. Through the voices of Walter, Emma, and Michelle, we come face to face with the profound truth that listening to what we cannot say holds the key to unlocking our path to healing and relief.

With vulnerability and unapologetic honesty, May delves into the complex dynamics of how we hide ourselves to protect our relationships, exposing how this not only destroys what we strive for but also erodes our self-love. She bravely offers us a seat in the therapy room while illuminating the hidden strategies we use to hide and uncovering the depths of what it means to be human.

By sharing her own therapeutic journey as well as those of her patients, May makes the concept of intensive therapy more relatable. What I Couldn’t Tell My Therapist serves as a guide for mental health professionals and individuals alike. May seamlessly interweaves the personal and the universal. While the narrative remains deeply personal, it resonates with readers on a profound level, serving as a window into our own hidden selves. As we immerse ourselves in May's words, we cannot help but reflect on our own experiences and methods of emotional silencing and reevaluating the impact it has and will have on our lives.

What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist is a groundbreaking work that challenges societal and relational norms. May fearlessly exposes the painful realities of our suffering, unraveling mysteries that shroud our existence. Through her own transformation, she offers hope and inspiration, reminding us that healing and growth are not only possible but essential.

This book is an intimate portrait of humanity at its core. Michelle M. May's captivating narrative beckons readers to confront their own emotional truths, urging us to embrace our vulnerabilities. What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist is not simply a book; it is a transformative experience. Through her sincerity, May encourages us to embark on our own journey of self-discovery. It is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and a poignant reminder that our suffering holds the potential for powerful transformation.

Praise

  • "If you are looking for a firsthand experience of how a master thera­pist conducts intensive psychodynamic therapy, you will find it in this fascinating, beautifully written account of three engaging clinical cases that capture and keep your interest throughout. Enthusiastically recommended!"

    —Stanley B. Messer, PhD, Distinguished Professor Emeritus and former Dean, Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology, Rutgers University

  • "May's authentic and courageous narratives offer a profound perspective on mental health, emotional and physical pain, and the transformative power of the therapeutic process."

    —Galit Atlas, PhD, author of Emotional Inheritance and Faculty, New York University Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis

  • "This is a poignant and intimate exploration of the powerful relation­ship between emotions and medical disorders. May has given us an insightful view into the intricacies of ISTDP therapy and how people can recover from great suffering."

    —Howard Schubiner, MD, author of Unlearn Your Pain

  • "Gutsy, honest, and revealing, it gives insight into human emotional suffering and psycho­ dynamic processes. I recommend it for all who want to learn about working with anger, guilt, and sadness."

    —Leslie S. Greenberg, Founder of Emotion Focused Therapy, Distinguished Research Professor Emeritus, Department of Psychology, York University

  • "I urge anyone interested in Davanloo's ISTDP to read Michelle M. May's new book. It is particularly suited for students of ISTDP who are struggling to learn the metapsychology of the unconscious and apply this difficult technique to patients with challenging conditions, including medically unexplained symptoms. May, through both clinical and personal experiences, makes it abundantly clear how unlocking the unconscious heals these conditions when applied properly."

    —Robert. J. Neborsky, MD, Voluntary Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, UCSD and UCLA (Hon.) Schools of Medicine, and coauthor of Mastering Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy


  • "This book helps us understand ourselves with greater depth, complexity, and clarity. A compelling read."

    —Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, AEDP psychotherapist and psychoanalyst and author of It's Not Always Depression

  • "Michelle M. May candidly shares her personal experiences and insights, allowing readers to connect with the heartfelt narratives. This book also provides a profound understanding of the intricate and personal processes involved in Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy (ISTDP), creating an intersection between science and humanity. Michelle's words, flowing from her heart, will deeply resonate with readers, touching them directly as they delve into the book."

    —Nima Ghorbani, PhD, Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Tehran; Certified Supervisor of ISTDP; and author of Joyful Madness and Self-Narrated by Self (in Persian)

  • "Michelle M. May is a gifted communicator. With profound compassion, she has been able to shed light on both the causes and remedies for much of our emotional suffering."

    —Patricia Coughlin, PhD, author of Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy

  • "With this book, Michelle M. May joins the ranks of the great therapy storytellers, including Yalom, Havens, and Greenberg. Her narratives shed light on the moment-by-moment clinical thinking of an advanced dynamic therapist, and she takes the reader even deeper by sharing her own experience and development as a person in therapy. The book balances engagingly told clinical tales with clear explanations of complex psychodynamic concepts, and for this reason it will be an absorbing and educational read for both advanced and novice clinicians."

    —Maury Joseph, PsyD, ISTDP Training Program faculty, New Washington School of Psychiatry, and Certified Trainer and Supervisor, International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association

  • "A daringly honest reflection of addressing substance use and chronic pain. May takes the reader on an engaging journey through clinical stories woven with her own experiences, conveying useful psychodynamic concepts that make this a compelling and important read. In the realm of mental health literature, May's book stands out for authenticity and vulnerability, skillfully moving through the labyrinth of emotions, trauma, and self-discovery. I would recommend What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist to all my patients."

    —Taylor Nichols, MD, emergency medicine and addiction medicine physician and Assistant Clinical Professor, University of California, San Francisco

  • "In What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist, Michelle May beautifully inter­twines her own experiences along with those of her patients to provide powerful lessons on how to effect change in our own lives."

    —Alan Gordon, LCSW, author of The Way Out

  • "Seamlessly integrating theoretical constructs with clinical material, this magnificently humane and nonpathologizing volume shines bril­liantly with May's optimistic belief in our innate resilience and capacity to self­-repair even in the face of deep woundedness and addiction—if we are blessed enough to have a gifted therapist to whom, over time, we can reveal our most private and painful truths."

    —Martha Stark, MD, Faculty, Harvard Medical School, and award­ winning author of nine books, including Relentless Hope

  • "Through detailed descriptions of her own treatment process and that of two clients, Michelle May covers the spectrum of therapeutic processes, challenges, and changes one can encounter when using the intensive short­-term dynamic psychotherapy model in working with individuals with attachment trauma. The book is an excellent primer for people entering therapy and can be therapeutic in and of itself. I highly rec­ommend it."

    —Allan Abbass, MD, FRCPC, Professor of Psychiatry and Psychology, Dalhousie University, and author of Reaching through Resistance and Hidden from View

  • "This courageous book reveals what most therapists want to avoid— their own history of trauma! Through three captivating stories, May navigates the reader to the heart of emotional difficulties in a fiercely loving, respectful, and insightful way. It flips the script on the usual therapist­ client encounters and shows us that, while different, we are all fundamentally made of the same essence."

    —Ange Cooper, DClinPsy, RPsych, Assistant Professor, Dalhousie University

  • "May makes the concepts of intensive dynamic therapy understand­ able and accessible through realistic depictions of therapy, including her own. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to know what psychodynamic psychotherapy is really like. It will be especially helpful for trainees to improve their skill with dynamic interventions and to fos­ter greater acceptance of themselves, their patients, and the therapeutic process as perfectly imperfect."

    —Deborah Pollack, PhD, Associate Professor of Psychology, Utica University, and Clinical Assistant Professor, SUNY Upstate Medical University

  • "A poignant and psychologically sound read highlighting three lives, including the author's, which adds a compelling depth that is uniquely captivating. I highly recommend it for both readers who want to improve their lives for lasting change and for clinicians alike."

    —Tami Chelew, LMFT, President, International Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy Association (IEDTA)

  • "Michelle's unwavering commitment to honesty in exploring her own trauma and journey to health is inspiring. On top of this, she demon­strates her clinical wisdom in empathically responding to her own patients' struggles. What really strikes the reader is the human connec­tion between Michelle and her patients and how crucial this is for heal­ing. An important book not only for therapists but for anyone interested in how to recover from trauma."

    —Jonathan J. Entis, PhD, Teaching Associate in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

  • "This book is replete with great examples of being present, observing what is said and unsaid in both patient and therapist, and actively inter­vening or using silence to encourage the patient to reveal herself more and align with the therapist in a positive working relationship. Michelle uses verbal interchanges from her practice, as well as her own therapy, to highlight how to take theory and bring it into the consultation room in a very relatable and authentic way."

    —Ronald C. Albucher, MD, President­Elect, International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association, and Volunteer Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, UC San Francisco School of Medicine

  • "Michelle M. May reveals the most important aspect of providing good psychotherapy, the ability of the psychotherapist to do for themselves what they ask of others. As a reader you will see through the eyes of a master therapist the process of psychotherapy, which entails precise observation and the delivery of effective interventions while main­taining the therapeutic bond once the patient commits to their own transformation."

    —Kristin Osborn, LMHC, Associate in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School, and coauthor of Paraverbal Communication in Psychotherapy

  • "Michelle M. May's unique perspective offers a profoundly felt sense of the vulnerability and bravery required in transformative psychotherapy. Her extensive session vignettes, both from her own therapy and from her work with clients, shed light on the intimate process that makes it possible to expose the parts of ourselves that we most wish to hide."

    —Susan Warren Warshow, LCSW, founder of the DEFT Institute and author of A Therapist's Handbook to Dissolve Shame and Defense

Book Launch Event

November 2, 2024

Thank you to everyone who joined Michelle in-person and online for the launch of her new book, What I Couldn't Tell My Therapist. If you missed it, you can still watch the recording on Instagram to experience the powerful insights shared.